


i'm at war with myself

by meananimagus



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: M/M, Mutual Pining, Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-23
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2020-01-24 12:39:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18571687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meananimagus/pseuds/meananimagus





	i'm at war with myself

felix, in contrary to hyunjin's, his bestfriend, fascination, although felix would say it's nearly an obsession to the point that the older manages to squeeze the topic in to every conversation they were having whether it be about dreaded schoolworks or why ants are small, towards 'soulmates', is far from curious about the aforementioned term. the thought in particular never really piqued his interest but hyunjin would always argue that felix just has a romantic range of a teaspoon, quoting harry potter, like it's non-existent.

hyunjin has always been an avid fan of clichés, of classic love stories, of anything about romance and the things that rolled around it. a hopeless, motherfucking cringey, felix would add, romantic.

despite the differences, it's a wonder as to how the two of them are even friends, bestfriends, for that matter. people, 'the ones who pokes their noses into other people's business rather than trying to fix their own lives' as felix labeled them, often asks either of them about their friendship, of how they met, how they clicked and just, formed the most inseparable duo in the whole campus, when it's clear as daylight that other than their visuals and seemingly princely characteristics, hyunjin as the warm royalty while felix as the ice prince, they differ in everything else.

felix doesn't really bother himself about what other people can't just not meddle into. the first day he met hyunjin, he already had the feeling that the taller, despite being sometimes narcissistic and pessimistic at the same time, will pass up as a really good friend. he's like the sun, the warmth felix needed, to make the coldness in him seep away. hyunjin is like the happiness and enjoyment felix hadn't experience in his childhood. hyunjin just gave light to the darkness felix was struggling to step out of.

maybe the bike accident really served as a blessing in disguise for if it ain't for the broken brake, felix and hyunjin would have never met.

if it's about soulmates, hyunjin often blurted out his own unpopular opinion to his bestfriend, it being that he thinks felix is his soulmate, to which felix just ducked a head down, fighting off the warmth building up against his cheekbones.

"i mean, soulmate isn't just about seeing yourself in another person. it's about finding someone who understands you more than you were even able to understand yourself."

felix might agree, but the general idea of soulmates isn't just that appealling to him. felix believes he controls his life, not some fate or a toddler in a diaper with a bow and arrow, how did the baby even learned how to use that shit when felix couldn't even kill a fly with his electric racket? it's mad right?

felix always believed his future is up to him. his lovelife, which is as of now, intangible and non-existent, he got it under his own thumb.

so while hyunjin keeps insisting on the thing, felix is on his own thoughts of how to muster up a courage to execute his master plan to show his bestfriend, also the only boy he's been pinning after for more than five years now, that people, not stupid cupid or destiny, has the control on their lives and that if they want it to end up the way they want it to, they got to make the move, not sit around and wait for fucking decades for fate to do it because life just doesn't work that way, and fate isn't true. it's just a word the world dictionary had to come up with to bullshit it's way through teenagers and give them false hopes.

felix wanted to be the one to wake hyunjin up from the fantasy he's been living into.

only it's easier thought about than done.

soccer practice game fell on the exact day felix had set to work on his plan, actually gathering up enough courage and guts to confess and make their friendship accelerate to a higher level, if hyunjin accepts of course, felix is eighty percent uncertain the taller doesn't feel the same way and the doubt nearly crushes his barely there self-esteem. but seemingly, the day he chose wasn't okay. felix can't not attend or his team will kick him out, he's missed practice thrice the entire week already because he had to catch up and cram for his almost failing grades in his calc class last semester. his coach is forgiving but felix isn't that abusive to consideration and kindness. he knows his responsibilities so he had to go.

he texted hyunjin the night before and apologetically cancelled their pre-planned hang out at the boy's dorm room, he knows hyunjin wouldn't mind, sure he sounded sad when he called to ask why felix was asking for a raincheck, totally a bromance thing, but he understands. hyunjin would cancel plans too if student council obligations asked for his attention and time.

so now, felix found himself walking along the hallway, turning right just when he approached the path to the wide open field. instead of getting inside the lockers first, he just dropped his bag on the grassy side meters away from the playing field, and ran to his coach.

after what feels like a century, felix is exaggerating, it was only a couple of hours, their coach called it a day, causing celebratory hoots from his team and a grateful small smile from felix.

the boy didn't even bother picking up his towel to fix himself first, instead he whipped his phone from the pocket of his bag and went over hyunjin's spam to him, most of them were stupid memes, felix honestly didn't expect anything else, but there were also some broken sentences, his messages divided into almost one word per chat, making the whole thread really long although the entire message isn't even really that long.

prince 10:48 ㏂

lix

where

u @

hun

is practice

not over

yet

iny

imy

ily

sugar

drop by

bring cheesesticks

dumby

fairy

also

cola

most imprtntly

bring

ur cute ass

ya owe me

cuddles

for

ditching me

hmu

a s a

u on ur way

babe

felix rolled his eyes. the last word really did tingles along his skin.

"bitch." he muttered under his breath, currently murdering his bestfriend mentally. he had already try and stop hyunjin from being overly flirty towards him, to stop him from calling felix pet names the latter despises and loves at the same time, but hyunjin never really cared, he just won't budge. says felix are entitled to suck it all up and deal with it because they are bestfriends. felix never hated the word bestfriend more than that day.

felix dropped by at a hole-in-the-wall convenience store he passed at before continuing his way towards his bestfriend's dorm, buying just what the older asked for, helplessly whipped. he bought much more honestly but felix is too embarrassed already to admit that so he just shrugged it off, eyes sharp like warning someone to just shut up and don't question him.

hyunjin was laying upside down on his bed when felix arrived, the taller's head dangling at the edge of the bed, and he grinned so wide, felix worried his lips would hurt, when he stopped and stood hovering over the boy's vision, at the floor below the bed.

"baby~" hyunjin whined, making grabby hands at the younger, which felix just flipped off. he jumped from beside the bed and layed across hyunjin's torso, face smashing onto the freshly woody scented sheets.

"i'm so fucking tired." felix mumbled, words muffled by the thick duvet. hyunjin didn't even push him off but cradled his fingers through the strands of felix' sun-kissed hair, weaving and massaging his scalp comfortingly. felix sagged, one hand blindingly reaching to tap gently at hyunjin's cheek as a sign of his gratitude.

maybe it was the serenity of the situation, maybe it was the sparks felix feels blooming just inside his goddamn chest, or perhaps it's hyunjin's own fast paced heartbeats that felix could feel thumping against his ribs from the way he was laying on top of the boy, but after the gentle cheek-tap, felix didn't pull his hand back, kept it at the soft cheek instead, thumb grazing the cheekbone or maybe the little mole below hyunjin's eye, felix couldn't tell. hyunjin didn't let him pull away either, he even lifted up his own hand that's not occupied with felix' hair and put it over the hand on top of his cheek, holding safe.

perhaps it was also the euphoria or calm the pair was having that felix just blurted out, thinking definitely out of the question, words.

"i don't believe in soulmates." hyunjin, although startled by the random comment, hummed, opting for the younger to continue talking.

"i don't believe we're soulmates because i don't think it even is real," even when felix moved to sit up, hyunjin still didn't let go of his hand, as they were now sitting cross-legged, facing each other, their clasped hands on top of hyunjin's knee. hyunjin just stared at him, eyes raking over his eyes, trying to read the emotions swimming in them, gazing downwards until he stopped and mentally traced the freckles adorning the boy's skin. felix ignored the way his heart flutters with the way hyunjin was looking at him at that moment. he cleared his throat, easing up the tension in his voice and resumed talking.

"but there's only one thing i believe in," hyunjin's gaze travelled upwards again, meeting felix's.

it was love.

felix is looking at him with so much love and there might be drizzles of fear and discouragement but hyunjin squeezes his hand, and they all disappear.

also, hyunjin might have been looking at felix with the same kind of eyes since forever, yet the younger was too dense to notice, not too confident about himself to acknowledge that hyunjin might like him too.

"it's that, i don't care if you think fate manipulates our hearts to be with who we want, neither do i give a shit if you don't believe we can't defy it, but i can. i like you, hyunjin, i don't know when or how i started to like you. maybe i already did the day you helped me treat my bruises after i crashed my bike on a tree, maybe it happened during my sleepover at yours for christmas, but i know it's been long. it's been dragging longer the more i hesitate about telling you. it's all because of that stupid mole in your undereye, and your stupid smile, your stupid teeth, your stupid eyes and just, the entire you, dumbass. i fell for every stupid thing in you and they're not really stupid but im eloquent and i hate them, i hate that i love everything about you, i sound really stupid now and repetitive and disgusting, but i like you. maybe more than how i am supposed to, more than how i thought i do. and i want to prove to you that we don't have to be soulmates, i would still like you even if fate disagrees, even if destiny doesn't want me to. i control my life, i control my heart and it's beating for you and i chose to just let it beat for you and to no one else."

felix panted, out of breath after just stupidly rambling everything to hyunjin, who kept his eyes locked on him, both hands now gripping against his own. felix is a bushing mess, and a gaping mess, and a tingling mess, but it's the mess that got hyunjin glossy eyed and mentally doubled over. it took several minutes for the latter to absorb completely what's been revealed and when he did, he tackle-hugged the boy, who's face a burning red.

hyunjin let out incoherent and weird sounds against the shorter's neck, his lips brushing the skin there. felix held his breath until hyunjin sniffled so he hugged back the taller tighter.

"hush, baby, don't cry." felix whispered which earned him a trashing hyunjin on top of him, pulling away and glaring down at him, cheeks furious red.

"you beat me. how dare you beat me into confessing first? i was planning and i was still preparing everything so nothing would go wrong and then you go here and straight up tell me you like me too with all that sap and almost knocked me out because my heart feels like bursting soon because you like me and you were so poetic and shit while i'm just stutters and trembles. and you did it while looking so ethereal and beautiful in front of my eyes, you had the audacity to appear before me with your pretty face spitting out the words you stole from my own mouth, fuck you, okay? i like you too and i have been for years, i liked you at first sight, i was crushing over you for longer than you even knew me, stupid, i hate your freckles and your neck and your hair, damn you, you make my insides gooey, what the fuck, felix, i just like you so much, like a wholeass lot."

felix was full-on grinning now, rolling them over so he was the one pinning hyunjin against the matress, he leaned forward and bumped their foreheads together, both boys blushing and breathless.

"will you be mine?" he asked softly, almost whispering. hyunjin clicked his tongue.

"no, i got to ask you that not the other way around. you already confessed first so give this to me." stern yet giggly, he could barely contain the hugeass smile creeping up his lips, felix leaned closer, breaths fanning over hyunjin's mouth.

"felix lee, you stupid, will you be my boyfriend?" felix breathed out a laugh before completely smashing his lips against hyunjin's own. his hands finding their way to the taller's waist as hyunjin's tangled against his hair.

felix muttered countless 'yes' in between kisses. their giggles and sighs against mouths, it's a messy confession, but both would not ask for something else other than this. the kiss deepened and lasted longer but 'fuck the world, fuck fate, fuck destiny', felix thought,

'i would go against any deity or the entire world to have hyunjin with me.'

he kissed the taller's nose, both eyes, the beautiful mole above his cheekbone, his jaw, all around his neck, his forehead, honestly everything he dreamed of kissing. hyunjin could just grip harder against felix's hair and smile, feel giddy and overwhelmed because his dreams just came true, in the form of felix lee, his bestfriend, his soulmate, the love of his life.


End file.
